Medicine

I am officially in love with my wife's thyroid medicine. My wife's prescription had run out over the weekend and it took a while for her refill to show up. It showed up on Wednesday, and it would appear her sex drive returned a few days later. There are also other possible reasons for her libido to come back. It's about that time in her cycle anyway. She got through the busy rush at work which I knew would improve her mood. She had a meeting with her counselor on Thursday as well, which has been known to unburden her mind a bit. My wife mentioned that her romance novel finally got through the background story and got into the passionate parts. Whatever the reason, I was pleased to have a interested and engaged wife in my bed last night.

She asked me to pick out pajamas for her, but didn't put them on. She kept them for 'after', which is a good sign. We started out with the light kissing and loosening of clothes. My hands wandered gently up and down her back. I enjoy the feel of her breasts and buttocks through her clothes, not just skin on skin. It seems a more gentle way to get the blood flowing to those erogenous zones. Shirt, bra and pants came off, but I left her panties on. I like rubbing her through the panties to get the lubrication flowing. That way if things aren't warmed up yet, there's no dry skin catching on sensitive parts. Instead I am making use of the silky feel of the crotch on her panties. It also helps keep the heat it, which definitely helps bring her to a boil. It's not like I can't easily move the material to one side to get access to the family jewels once I suspect the oven's been pre-heated.

So once her juices were flowing I started moving them around and messaging the folds down there. I have learned a little bit from our previous session, and I have been moving much more slowly. My wife suggesting bringing out the vibrator, but I wanted to wait a little bit before I resorted to the appliance for help. I took off her panties with much delay and ceremony, and settled in for a little cunnilingus. I stayed gentle with my tongue instead of trying to use it like a finger. I just toured the surrounding countryside over and over again, without trying to go in deep. I definitely enjoyed myself giving her a thorough licking.

Eventually we did break out the apparatus. We used the rabbit this time, but I let her do the positioning. I can do okay, but I just don't have the correct feedback loop to keep it on the right spot. I kissed her and suckled her nipples while she worked herself. As she approached her climax I climbed over her and continue to play with her body parts. At some point she orgasmed and tossed aside the vibrator. I moved in for my turn, but I didn't last long. I was quite aroused by that point and it took just a few strokes until my orgasm showed up. I didn't take this as a blow to my manhood, because she had come first. It was also expected given the gap since our previous encounter.

We had some good chatting in the afterglow. She told me about her session with the counselor. This time she spent some time talking about me and my concerns about lack of endurance. She recommended some books and shared some statistics. According to the counselor's statistics, the average sexual encounter between long term partners is 7 minutes from the beginning of foreplay to climax. Of course, who wants to be average? My wife and I spend a lot of time in foreplay, and generally surpass half and hour. While I generally spent less than a minute inside my wife before I orgasm, we seem to be better than average in the total time spent in bed.

The really nice part was this morning we had a second act. After the kids had woken us up and tossed and turned, we shooed them downstairs to watch TV and had some more private time. This time I did not spend quite so long on foreplay and spend longer inside my wife. There was lots of good touching and I certainly enjoyed my choice of pajamas. (I had gone with the flannel nightgown, because it had no pants. It also had a tendency to unbutton itself at the top, from all the years it was used for nursing.) There was east access to many parts of my wife's anatomy, of which I made liberal use. After I finished my wife indicated a desire to finish up with the vibrator. I offered to keep her company, but instead I went downstairs and made waffles.

With my wife it often seems like feast or famine. This seems to be a combination of my wife's hormones as well as other influences, and I just need to get used to it. I certainly enjoyed the time with her and the chance to reconnect. We did talk about finding ways for us to connect when she is not in the mood for sex. The biggest hurdle is that when she is not in the mood for sex, she is also not in the mood for touching at all. So we can't just spoon or cuddle up a little. We will be working on that, but not this week.

Eventful Evening

Yesterday was quite the evening. Wednesday is often a very busy time, because my son has choir practice at 5 and my daughter has tumbling at 6, so we have a lot of juggling to get everyone picked up after school, fed and off to their respective activities. Work usually ends at 5, so we are scrambling for dinner and other activities. It doesn't help that I usually play racquetball at 4, so I am rarely done with my shower until 5:20 or so.

But yesterday my racquetball game was canceled, so I decided to start working on dinner early. I took my eldest home and started working on dinner. Nothing too elaborate; I made a pork loin in the over, and a red beans and rice mix. I also cooked up some frozen green beans, so it was a healthy dinner without being too elaborate. While the food was on the stove I left my daughter at home while I went to pick up the other two kids and drop off the boy at choir. I was expecting to pick up my wife from work as well (our second car won't start due to the frigid weather). Sadly I couldn't get a hold of her. She wasn't answering her office phone or her cell phone. I took care of the kids, but was really wondering where she was. I figured if she needed to she could walk home or get a ride with someone else. Or she could call me and let me know.

After I got the boy to choir and the two girls at home eating dinner, my wife called to let me know what was up. I sung by an picked her up from work, with the 9 year old helping the 2 year old with dinner. Once the wife was home, it was easier to manage the kids. I was able to leave her in charge of the toddler while I dropped off the 9 year old at tumbling and picked up the 7 year old from choir. The choir director is interested in my son doing a solo at the Christmas Mass, which is an exciting prospect. Eventually, we all got home and settled in.

My wife went to watch the 9 year old at tumbling, while I helped the younger two get ready for bed. They were in their pajamas and off to bed when she came back home. Eventually the kids were all sent off to bed. I made lunches for the kids for school and went to bed. I had paperwork to do, but I was too exhausted to care about it.

My wife joined me in bed before too long. I suspect she was concerned about my mood. I've been visibly frustrated with the lack of sex, but have been trying not to take it out on her. This evening was one of those time when she was reminded of how much I do in this family in terms of picking up the slack for her. I am not one of those fathers how is incapable of putting his kids to bed or creating a healthy meal. The last few nights I have been trying to go to bed early and have had a hard time relaxing or falling asleep. I wake up frequently in the night and toss and turn, so that I wake up groggy.

So we had some time to talk about what was going on right now. My wife assured me that she was trying. She let me know that she wasn't able to use her vibrator right now to get aroused. The vibrator just annoyed her, and didn't do anything for her. So it wasn't just me that was unable to get her turned on. I compare this to some of the sexual problems other women have, in which it physically hurts to have sex. This is not the problem we have; our problem is one of out of whack hormone levels. Right now, I am wondering about my wife's thyroid levels. Her prescription for thyroid medicine has run out and she is still waiting to get a new one filled out so she can get more medicine. I am worried that this might be the cause of her current difficulties. Based on where she is in her cycle, her desire should be returning by now.

She was willing to let me try. I tried reading her some romantic erotica to see if that could get her in the mood, but it didn't really help. I am pretty sure that she enjoys reading it herself to having me read to her. Still it made me feel like she was making a small effort and not completely shutting me out. The most frustrating thing for me is when she simply makes the declaration that she is not in the mood for sex, without letting me try to improve her mood. I can accept it if she lets me try for five minutes to get her aroused and fail, but if she won't even let me try it shuts down the lines of communication all together.

I am left feeling better, just because we had a chance to talk about things. She let me try to be romantic and sexual, even if her body was not cooperative. I am hopeful that in a few days when work gets less hectic our lives will improve and she will be able to make time for me - preferably naked time.

Just say 'no'

Last night we all went to bed early. I got the kids into pajamas. They watched a little television and then we all went upstairs and climbed into bed and read books. The wife was out grocery shopping. So she didn't get home until after the books were done and the kids were sent packing. They were all in bed and down by 8:30. Wife came to bed complaining of a headache. I offered a backrub or neckrub, but she turned me down flat. She said she didn't want to move her head at all and just wanted to go to bed.

I am feeling very isolated from her at the moment. She gets this types of aches but doesn't mention it all day until we are in bed. I don't see her making effort to avoid them. That is, she still works just as hard and spends just as much time with the kids and her coworkers. The only person whose time with her suffers is me. I feel like she takes me for granted. If something has to give, it is the time she spends with me.

I can accept the fact that she isn't feeling well. What frustrates me the most is that I don't see it reflected in any other aspect of her life. She is still just as productive at work. She still spends just as much time listening to the kids. But the attention paid to me is the only place where her headaches affect her ability to perform.

I have noticed before that I seem to be the only person my wife is capable of saying 'no' to. She won't turn down a request for help from her friends or from her coworkers. But if I want some of her time or attention, I am easy to turn down. Of course, she values this as a sign that I am supporting her and being there for her when she needs me. Sadly she has not consistently been there for me when I am in need. Her complaint would be that I am always in need for sex and I am only in need for sex.

High Strung

Right now I'm in the doldrums a bit. Still no recent sex, nor any sign of sex in the offing. Wife and I have been very busy at work, so she is distracted by that. The cold weather has been giving me a bit of cabin fever, so that I am bouncing off the walls with excess energy. This tends to scare my wife and make her nervous. When this is combined with lots of pent up sexual demand, I don't know what to do with myself. The last few night have been extra frustrating because the opportunity for sex has been there, but my wife is just not in the mood. The kids have gone to bed at a reasonable hour, and we have spent the evening in front of the football game. When my wife watches the game she generally does cross-stitch, which means it is impossible to get close to her, due to all the accessories surrounding her.

I'm just struggling with the situation, because I know that the more tense I get the less attractive I appear. I realize that it is hard to reach out to me when I get so overwhelmingly focused on one outcome. I know that if we just wait long enough my hormones will equalize and I will stop being quite so obsessed with sex. Based on past experience that will take another week and a half. Right now we are almost at two weeks since the last copulation, which is about the peak of my frustration levels. This makes me difficult to live with for everyone. I worry that I am snapping at the kids. I don't like it when they climb into my bed, when I am high strung for lack of sex.

I am hoping also that when the work related stress ends, things might get better. It should only be a few more days, but we might have to deal with Christmas stress by that time.

I also have to apologize for missing out on the group post. I saw the announcement, but I couldn't get to it immediately. After that it just slipped my mind with all the other stuff going on. I will try to make amends at some point.

Not Alone

I was having a thoughtful moment at church today. I observed that we take solace in the idea that we are not alone in our daily burdens. I have a great number of friends who struggle every day with a wide variety of challenges. While most of my friends don't deal specifically with a marriage suffering from a sex drive mismatch, all of my friends have some issue they struggle with. I have some friends dealing with severe food allergies, some dealing with health issues (either their own of family members), some worried about job stability and financial concerns, etc. We all have struggles that we deal with on a regular basis.

As a teenager, I had this belief that I was different from everyone else. I believed that no one could understand or relate to what I was going through. I took pride in the idea that I was unique and different from everyone else and I was breaking new ground in every way. But now that I am older I realize that I am not unique. Lots of people go through the same things that I do. While my exact combination of personality and career and marriage and so on may be unrealized as yet, there is not overly special about what I go through.

This allows me to feel more solidarity with my friends and acquaintances, because everyone has their own "crap of life" to suffer through. I can connect with other people through their daily struggles, even if they are quite different from my own. This camaraderie gives me strength to keep going even in the face of frustration.

25 Questions for Christmas

As appropriated from Vodka Logic, without the moral obligations.

(1) What is your favorite Christmas movie?
"Family Man" with Nicholas Cage. A reverse "It's a Wonderful Life."

(2) What is your LEAST favorite Christmas movie?
"Scrooged" with Bill Murray. More about the laughs than about the message.

(3) What is your favorite Christmas song?
"Christmas Wrapping" by the Waitresses, although "I want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" is moving up the charts.

(4) What Christmas song(s) drives you crazy?
"O Holy Night". It's all about who can do the best solo and is rarely heartfelt.

(5) What is your favorite Christmas drink? (i.e. egg nog, hot chocolate)
Egg Nog with a little Kaluha in it.

(6) What is your favorite Christmas memory?
As a kid having the whole family together on Christmas morning in pajamas opening presents.

(7) What is the best toy/gift you've received on Christmas?
I don't remember. That's not the most important thing for me. I guess, when I got Civilization IV a few years ago. I still like to play that game.

(8) What is the worst toy/gift you've received on Christmas?
I really don't remember. I can hardly remember what I got last Christmas.

(9) What do you LOVE about the holidays?
Getting Christmas letters from people I haven't heard from in a year and hearing what is new in their lives.

(10) What annoys you about the holidays?
The crass commercialism. A friend reported yesterday that when he took his kids to the store mall Santa, the Santa said "This child really deserves a Wii." Santa fail.

(11) Do you prefer star or angel on top of a Christmas tree? Or something else?
I just want it to be the same year after year. We had this funky spire thing, but we had it every year, which was what made it Christmas.

(12) What is your family favorite recipe at Christmas?
The Cranberry jello salad. We also have it at Thanksgiving. It involves ground up cranberries, a diced apple and dropping a whole orange into the food processor - peel and all.

(13) Are you a Grinch or a Who at Christmastime?
I am Grinch-like about the presents, but Who-like about the songs and food.

(14) Christmas light displays - Love them or Hate them?
I am a minimalist about Christmas lights. I love a single candle in the window. I don't like lighting up the night so the house looks like Las Vegas.

(15) Santas at the mall - Fun times or Creepy?
We live in a small town and go to see Santa at the library. The Santa here has a real beard and is the same Santa year after year after year. He is very patient and works well with the kids and the parents. He gives each child plenty of time and doesn't push toys or candy. He often tells the kids that there will be a "surprise" for them under the Christmas tree - which could be anything.

(16) Christmas cards - do you send them, yes or no?
I send them every year with a letter. For many friends, it's the only letter I send all year.

(17) What is the best thing about Christmas, in your opinion?
The excuse to get together with friends and family.

(18) What is the worst thing about Christmas?
The high expectations that lead to disappointment.

(19) When do you put the tree up and take it down?
It goes up early in December, whenever we have a free weekend. It's not a real tree, so it won't dry out. I like to take it down after New Year's, but my wife likes to wait until Epiphany.

(20) Out of the 12 days of Christmas, which day and item would you want your true love to give to you?
The nine ladies dancing, of course.

(21) Why do you think that Grandma got run over by a reindeer?
She'd been drinking too much eggnog.

(22) Who is your favorite reindeer?
Venison . . . I mean, Vixen.

(23) Do you believe in Santa Claus?
Here's the story: Last year, we adopted a family for Christmas. The family a single mom with a ten year old son. We asked for a family to adopt at our church and they gave us their name and particulars. Our whole family bought gifts and food and food for them. Gifts included toys, as well as clothes and useful stuff like a gas card. My wife and I brought it to their apartment on the 23rd, all wrapped. We didn't stay long, but it was a great joy for us to help out someone else at Christmas time.

Do I believe in Santa? You bet your ass I do. Sometimes I work for him.

(24) What is your favorite smell at Christmastime?
Cinnamon, as in mulled wine or cider.

(25) What would make you happy at Christmas this year?
Christmas sex with my wife, but I'll settle for a nice long kiss under the mistletoe.

Trying to figure out my wife's cycles

I have definitely observed that my wife's sex drive varies dramatically over the course of her menstrual cycle. My wife's period started a few days ago. During the beginning of her period, she does not want to be touched at all. She feels dirty and messy and does not want things to get worse. I can relate to this. If I am muddy from working outside, I would rather wash off before I start touching anything or anyone. While a kiss on the back of the neck isn't going to spread the mess, this is just one of those things that I can accept.

Of course, the romantic mood vanishes long before the period actually starts. Generally about five days before her period actually starts any interest in sex vanishes. This is all well documented that for most women they are most interested in sex when they are ovulating (i.e. fertile). Some women might maintain sexual interest at other times, but my wife's sexual interest drops off dramatically with her hormonal levels.

I am starting to notice that about a week and a half after her cycle starts (about five days after her period ends) is when her interest in sex is at its highest. I assume that this is when she is a Fertile Myrtle and her body is giving her some hormonal motivation to get out there and start breeding. That will last for about a week and a half, and then the pre-menstrual syndrome kicks in and the cycle repeats.

With this in mind, I should be able to appreciate some fun sex late next week. There will be no sex this week, although I might be able to get some generous contact over the weekend. Things should get busy at work early next week, but hopefully at the end of the week we can have some happyfunsexy time.

The take away lesson is that I will never be able to get more than a week at a time of really enthusiastic responses to my romantic overtures. I need to accept the idea of timing as crucial to the chances for success in bed. Also when I plan future vacations, I should check to see where in her cycle she is likely to be, and to plan accordingly.